Why did this happen?

Question

I have a friend at school, I knew her for a while, and we got to be teh best of friends, sure we had our ups and downs, but that's just life! I lost my parents in a fire not long ago, I wasn't feeling well since, i wasn't happy since, and just a couple days ago, me and this friend got into a fight, I forget what it was about, but she deeply hurt me, and I deeply hurt her, I ran away from her while she wanted to come back, I was just upset, but now I understand that was not the right thing to do, now, I want to go back to her, and say sorry, but she won't welcome me in, I tried sending notes in school, I don't even think she read them, all I want is my old friend back, so I just wanna know what to do!

Answer 1

Give her a little space and a little time. You were deeply hurt - maybe she was too.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. Maybe what you two need right is time. time to heal. Think of it metaphorically, When you get hurt three things might happen; 1. cut, 2, scab, 3, scar. When you get cut (physically) blood goes to the top of your skin and forms a protective barrier, a scab. Now that scab might look like the most uglyst thing in the world, but underneeth there is a healing process going on. If you pick at the scab and tear it off prematurly, it will form a scar. Scars almost never going away. Do you see? She hurt you, You hurt her...you two got cut. A protective barrier formed, (not wanting to talk), if you pick and poke at that scab, its only going to get worse. In other words, give her some time. Get away from her for a little while..."absence makes the heart grow fonder." Eventually that scab will naturally fall off, but until then...give it time. I can only imagine the heartacke your going through man, I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you and I hope things all work out for you. One thing is true though, you cant stop a true friendship, it will just keep growing back. God Bless.

Answer 3

I want to say just tell her how you feel, sorry, and everything will be right again. The sad truth of the world is that it wont fix what's been broken. They say time heals all, and that isn't true either. It well might be time to find a new friend. But dont lose hope, or give up trying on your friend, either. Be forceful, but tread lightly in the mending of the relationship.

Answer 4

Don't waste your time trying to get someone to listen to you if they don't want to. You can miss the best things in life for your own self if you try to please someone else and that's speaking with experience. Don't waste your time on someone when there will always be someone else a little bit better than that person. If you love something let it go, but if it doesn't come back then you went through it so that you could grow.

Answer 5

first i want to say sorry for the loss of your parents,you must be hurting pretty bad at this point then for your friend to walk out of your life at a time you need her the most...i think you should try o call her and ask her to talk to you..tell her that you are really hurt from the loss that you recently have and at times your not thinking about what your doing because you emotionaly a mess.or if that dont work maybe you can get a mutal friend to help..by talking to her for you...Good luck i hope it all works out for you and once again SORRY!

Answer 6

I agree with what people are saying but the one thing no one mentinoned is prevention. Fights happen but when they continue to happen, it's because people haven't set boundaries. Friendships like anything else needs boundaries. understanding you were wrong or she was wrong is one thing but there may be things about her (and her about you) that bother you and it is okay to mention it for preventative reasons. For example, you might feel that she is not empathetic to your situation (this is just a hypothetical) and it's important for us all to learn the proper tools to communicate this. You would say something like this " I really value our friendship and I really like so many things about you. I feel that sometimes you are not empathetic to my situation and I would like you to listen without advice when I feel sad because I just want to be listened to.". What you are doing is being specific about what you want. This goes for jobs, relationships, parenthood, everything. Boundaries are created through effective communication and being specific about what you want. Most people have trouble doing this even though they think they don't. They try and express themselves expecting the other person to dertermine their needs but people can't do that. They're not mind readers. Telling someone how you feel should almost always be followed by what you would like to be different. Another example is "I think you are a terrific friend but I sometimes feel ignored when you don't return my call. Can you please appease me by just returning my call so I don't feel ignored?" They may not agree with your feelings but that's okay. When caring about someone is a two-sided street, the other will do what is asked (reasonably speaking) to appease the other person. Long answer, I know! Communication, Boundaries and Specificity.

Answer 7

Until you deal with your own personal grieving, your not ready to deal with this friendship at this time. You need time to grieve and cope- your friend may not know how to help you at this time and may actually be overwhelmed by your emotional stability. Deal with you first before you try to rely on someone else to deal with your pain. Pray, reflect, join a grieving support group- get yourself happy, and than you can be that friend again and your friend may see that and reestablish your relationship again. Don't get me wrong, you shouldn't be alone in this grieving, but it is easy to take our grief and turn it into anger and let that interfere with our relationships.

Answer 8

It sounds like you were at the angry stage of your loss and you may have taken it out on your friend. Once you've reached acceptance for your loss, you will be able to talk to your friend and apologize. Explain what you were feeling, hurt for your loss, and hurt for what she may have said or done to you. If she refuses your apology, then she is not a true friend, you tried, move on.

Answer 9

Once you have done everything you can do to show your sorrow for what you have done the only thing left is to let your friend have time to heal and leave the ball in their court...you have to remember "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need". Make your peace, be patient and wait.

Answer 10

ok...so u were hurt,she was hurt,you're even now.

give her time to reconsider,if you really want her to come back.and when the time comes that you're too tired of waiting,try to keep in mind that everything has an end to this world,'coz without end,how would there be a begginning?right?so just dont try too hard,try to show her that you've moved on without her,make her suffer,and once in a while,say hi to her,and see if she comes back.

Answer 11

you're just going to have to go up to her in person, maybe show up at her house and tell her your sorry. Don't let her walk away from you. Explain exactly what you did here, how you are still hurting from losing your parents and you haven't been yourself. Shes bound to forgive you once she cools down.

Answer 12

sweetheart what happened to u isnt somthing easy to handle .. u need time on ur own to understand things properly ur self i know how it is to loos somone i lost my brother when he was 9 i was 8 im 15 now and it gets better... and ur friend needs to support u she needs to understand people handle things different and u needed her no matter how u reacted to her u should give her time and give ur self time so when u see her again u can tell her how u feel now that would work i really help everything gets better for u because i understand how hard it is if u need to talk my msn thng is :[e-mail].. i really hope that helps

Answer 13

She knows you are sorry so don't bother any more with that. Take care of yourself and give her time to appreciate you and all the things you have done together. Do not worry.

Answer 14

Next time you see her ask her if she would talk to you, If so find out what went wrong,. Because you really Miss her as a friend.



You can't just leave a Friend Just Hanging!!!!



FIND THE PROBLEM AND RESOLVE IT!!!

Answer 15

just wait i know its the same thing with me and my x-best friend i miss him much im just waiting and hoping maybe we will b bff again some day maybe have your mutual freind communicate to her 4 u

Answer 16

GROW UP! High school doesn't last forever. "I send her notes in school" Come on now.

Answer 17

Give your friend some slack, let her have time to miss you, then try apologizing again.

Answer 18

Time is the best healer in this situation, ask her for forgivness when she will talk to you.

Answer 19

Send her a link to your question here. It seems sincere and she would probably see that.

Answer 20

You're using the incorrect catagory.

Answer 21

Ask for forgiveness, but also forgive your self

Answer 22

give her some space and then trygiving her flowers and apologise again.

Answer 23

give me her number